Donnerstag, 23. September 2010

Howling with the wolves

My new office
A visit from Sir Jarethe

Life is crazy.I had left Glint as a nobody, I came back and now I have been appointed director of tourismn for the PRG. I even got my own office. Right next to Jinn's office who still works as security. Above us is an empty floor and above that comes Defiant's office before you enter the top floor where the office of Presidente Cara is.
My position therefore has changed overnight.
When I moved into my new working place I sat down at my desk and looked behind me out of the window. Below there lies Glint. I can see the walls with the barbwire. A different view. Of the town. Of all the things I have known.
On the wall right from me stands an old file cabinet. In there I have to collect names and dates of offenders. And if there aren't any offenders I have to make them. There are several ways to do that. I have instructions.
And of course, as a director of tourismn I have to greet all visitors, make them comfortable, make them stay. This is not new to me. Its exactly what I had to do when I was still a house slave here. But that long ago.
Sir Jarethe visited me in my office and told me something about an insurance I have to take out as I now work for the government. And because I could not produce that paper right away, he asked me to drop my skirt. Again, nothing new. I had to do that all the time when I was still a house slave. But because I am not a house slave now but a, oh so well respected director of tourismn I refused to follow his order. The result was that he cut it off my body. Ava was there and Alley and Jez, watching it all. So on my first day as a government official I was standing pressed to the wall with my skirt around my ankles and Jarethe's knife digging into my flesh. Welcome to the team, Gera. Congratulations.
I want to make this work though. I will take this chance. I know it means to change completely. But if there ever was the time for a change, it is now. When I had left Glint I was lost and my heart and mind were empty. Now I can start to fill this mind and heart with something new.

Sonntag, 19. September 2010

Coming home to a different city

I stood at the gate and hesitated before I slowly walked through. High walls surround the city now, with barbwire attached to the top. The sky is dark. The sun has vanished. There has been a terrible attack by the UN , I heard. The whole city was destroyed but they rebuilt it. As I walked in I saw high dark buildings. They almost reach the black skies. Here it is, the new Dark Den.

Samstag, 4. September 2010

Like a road movie

When Moose and I left Glint, the sky was grey. The sun hidden by thick heavy clouds. We walked up to the docks, carried our heavy bags over to the hangar. No helicopters that day so we took the waterway. I carry determination in my battered bag. And a craving for peace of mind. When we'll come back I am sure my hair has grown and I can be again the one that I was.

Donnerstag, 2. September 2010

Dead horse

It is over now. Everything said and done. I confessed my crime and was sentenced. La Presidente Cara was kind and understanding and I deeply regret that I had not trusted her before. Maybe none of this would have happened, had I not lost trust in her and in everybody else. I have lived here for a very long time now. I have seen three changes of government, I've seen police chiefs and security chiefs come and go. Glint is a very tough place to live. You have to be very strong and hardened up to survive here. And yet i have managed to survive here for a very long time now. I've always had my own way to cope . I embraced when I was attacked, I loved when there was hate all around me. I stuck flowers into their canons. And for a while this seemed to be working. I firmly believed that is it possible to fight ignorance and hate with love and understanding. Many times was I challenged to give up my so called naive attitude, but I always managed to keep it because I knew that in the end it helps me to survive here.
Of course an attitude like this will cause harsh reactions. Glint has many rules, it's not just about underwear and shoes. The rules are: Be strong, don't show feelings. Don't show your love, your fear, your sadness., your jealousy, your passion. If you do, people will call you a sheep. And they will lash out at you and destroy you. There is a good reason for not showing feeling. Feelings make you vulnerable and allow everybody else to control and use you.
Feelings break your neck,...your heart, ...your soul.
I should have guarded my heart better.
I should write about Alley, Defiant, Jez and Dunnagh. About how I left true love to seek out the one who broke me, how I was hurt so terribly, far worse than any punishment I have ever recieved. But I can't.
This dead horse can't be flogged no more.