Donnerstag, 2. September 2010

Dead horse

It is over now. Everything said and done. I confessed my crime and was sentenced. La Presidente Cara was kind and understanding and I deeply regret that I had not trusted her before. Maybe none of this would have happened, had I not lost trust in her and in everybody else. I have lived here for a very long time now. I have seen three changes of government, I've seen police chiefs and security chiefs come and go. Glint is a very tough place to live. You have to be very strong and hardened up to survive here. And yet i have managed to survive here for a very long time now. I've always had my own way to cope . I embraced when I was attacked, I loved when there was hate all around me. I stuck flowers into their canons. And for a while this seemed to be working. I firmly believed that is it possible to fight ignorance and hate with love and understanding. Many times was I challenged to give up my so called naive attitude, but I always managed to keep it because I knew that in the end it helps me to survive here.
Of course an attitude like this will cause harsh reactions. Glint has many rules, it's not just about underwear and shoes. The rules are: Be strong, don't show feelings. Don't show your love, your fear, your sadness., your jealousy, your passion. If you do, people will call you a sheep. And they will lash out at you and destroy you. There is a good reason for not showing feeling. Feelings make you vulnerable and allow everybody else to control and use you.
Feelings break your neck,...your heart, ...your soul.
I should have guarded my heart better.
I should write about Alley, Defiant, Jez and Dunnagh. About how I left true love to seek out the one who broke me, how I was hurt so terribly, far worse than any punishment I have ever recieved. But I can't.
This dead horse can't be flogged no more.

1 Kommentar:

  1. There are other horses out there, my love, and we'll get you back up on one straight away. But in the meantime- you need a vacation.