Today I had a wonderful talk with Ma’am. We talked about very personal things. I will not repeat here what she told me in confindence about herself but I must write down what this wonderful woman saaid to me to reassure me and give me back my selfconfidence about many things. She had asked me how I feel about sir Dunnagh having two other slaves now and I answered truthfully that I find the two other girls very sweet but can’t help a tinge of jealousy of which I feel ashamed.
So Ma’am told me this:“ in general, you can lean back and relax, regarding the situation, because:
you are truely submissive at heart
that can not be faked
it is just what you are
so, you will be always ahead of all those who did not get this feeling that you have
and, as for love...
you know what makes love special? as "love" itself?
it is the only "good" that increases when you share it
i do not need to divide the love - dividing would entail "making it smaller"
where in fact it grows
jealousy is natural but contra productive - since jealousy is a symptom, not a disease“
I said: „yes...but what about jealousy...I try bnot to be jealous but...sometimes it hurts to know that he caresses them“
She said:“ jealousy is an expression of something else
when one is jealous, it can have many reasons
insecurity is one reason
or lack of self confidence
now, sunrise, look at you
how you are
you have been waiting so long for Dun
you have endured Roisins treatment
you have been waiting for him all the time
and you are blessed with a patience that it would make the pope blush
do you think you have a reason to lack confidence in yourself? ;)
i think very highly of you, no kidding
and i can only repeat what i said earlier...
a few weeks ago, when i was still pregnant
it is either that Dun realizes what gem you are and you will jsut grow old with him in passionate love...
or in the unlikely case he would be *that* dense - then he would not deserve you
let him play around
he will soon be frustrated by "wannabe subs" who throw the collar back when they dont get enough "action"
and, if the other subs who are collared by Dun are also really pure and mean it...
and have a true understanding and they really love...
remember the thing that makes love to what it is: sharing love makes it grow
it will only be good then
so, summarized, what can happen are these options:
1. the other girls are wannabes and Dun realizes it -> you are back to be alone with him
2. the other girsl are wannabes and Dun does not realize it -> he just will loose a true sub for some fakes -> which is then maybe in the moment painful for you but on the long run definetly not a loss for you
3. the other girls are bitching against you and get jealous -> again, either way, Dun sticks to you, then #1 applies, or not, then #2 applies
4. the other girls are sweet, loveable and lovely and you are all getting on well together -> you win also
you see, you have really nothing to fear“
I said: „I think the other two girls are very sweet and yes....in the end I can only win as long as I over come my insecurity“
She smiled and asked me "tell me, why are you insecure?"
I told her: „I just don't know...I have always been insecure....this is where my shyness come from and ....also my jealousy somtimes...but I don't know what I feel insecure“
And she nodded and said: „often, insecure people only do one thing wrong:
they forget themselves and what they are, what they achieved
make a notecard, and write it down, then take that notecard and read it, when you feel insecure
down who you are
you are sunrise, a Dark Den House Slave and my personal midwife
you have helped me and stood by me and showed me your caring self
you know that i really think very highly of you
and so do others
you have waited for Dun so long and taken a lot onto your shoulders for being with him
and so, that little bit "collaring around" can not really harm you
write down other things where you are proud of
and add them to the list as they enter your mind“
I said:“ really? you see after Roisin and Arva wanted to "correct" me I thought I have a bad name here...that people look down on me
I felt like dirt.
I think this is what still clings to me and why I find it hard to see my good sides
Ma’am shook her head slowly and caressed my cheek
She said: „they did so wrong on you that it made me really sad
there they go ...
Ava did just follow Roisin, she corrected her opinion about you a lot, 180°, i would say
Jake things nicely of you, Pippa does, slut and butterfly love you
I was rarely scared - but when i saw you in that condition, i was....
scared to loose you
slut has something in her profile, let me quote it...
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
that is as for the "other people"
there are people in your life who you want to be part of your life
Dun for example
so, the quote means, be with Dun just yourself
and he will not question it
those who think they can judge about you most often have just no idea“
She is such a warmhearted wonderful understanding person. I wish more people would know that. She has enriched my life ever since I took her collar. Now I feel I can wait until Sir Dunnagh is ready to claim me for I am in good hands.