Freitag, 2. April 2010
Dunnagh, my love
I have to admit I never thought much about what my beloved Dunagh is up to when we can't be together. Time with him is too rare and too precious to dwell upon other things when we are together. He came to Glint last night for example and we just stood together watching the others talk....and I was happy. So happy just to be near him. I took his hand, which was still bandaged from the other night when he went amok. And he let me hold it and I was happy. Truly happy.
This morning I woke up and saw that he had made another entry in his diary.
This diary tells of all the places he goes to, when he can't be with me. He often goes to a place called Glass & Stone. Here he wrote about how he trained a captive called bunny. My first shock was that she looks alot like me. Then, reading it, i felt jealousy creeping up on me like a nasty snake. And it hurt so much because behind it stands the fear of loosing him. Now I know I have been playing with his feelings too when , a while ago I picked up some man, an old dirty one at that and gave myself to him. It was in a way ment as a dramatic kick to our story. Because in Glint Gera had lived the life of a pure widow for a very long time and this encounter was to change that and it triggered off partly his attitude towards Gera upon his return to Glint. "Dunnagh - cold fury" reads his tag.
Anyway, for a moment I felt all the agony of jealousy. My first reaction was to write a comment in his diary. Something like: "you damned bastard, I hate you". But fortunately I didn't do that. Instead I reflected upon the situation and realized what a blessing it is that our relationship is the way it is. Strong, loyal, deicated and more than anything tolerant. We always gave each other the freedom to explore sl and make new experiences. And when we get jealous, it usually triggers off some good intense and dramatic play. So when Master comes back to me, I might not be able to hold back on my jealousy. I might ask him what he has been doing while he was gone. And I may be sulky. But it will bring us forward, it will turn and twist our way and make it as always, exciting. Writing this was difficult. Is this me talking? Is this Gera? Well I am Gera so it makes no difference. And I love him, with all my heart.