Freitag, 5. Juni 2009
Jealousy or the bravery of embracing a much scorned upon feeling
A few days ago I was strolling around, passed the emigration office and there on the monitor I saw my beloved sir in the middle of doing a "medical" on a woman. It is after all his job to issue out slut visas. I was stunned, walked to the gathering spot like a lost puppy and in the end I sat down in front of the passport building, where upstairs my sir was with another woman. I could hear them, and like a sucker for punishment I stayed there, curled up and cried. Butterfly came to comfort me:" But he loves you, don't forget about that".
Yes, Sir Dunnagh is a man after all and he is only doing his job. And its not so much different from the vocation I follow as a house slave. And he, Dunnagh would never want to see me with another man either. Jealousy hurts.
I could have walked away and ignore it but I wanted to stay there, close to them while they indulged in each other. Jealousy is a feeling not accepted in the republic of Glint. It is said to destroy Master/sub relations. So why do I let jealousy invade my soul? The answer is very simple. It belongs to my love for him, just as happiness and passion. It is in those lonely moments of jealousy when I feel the closest to him. When I realize how much I need him. When I feel that I am nothing without my sir. And that in the end gives me a vibe of those wonderful sacred feelings of my love for him. I get into a state where I feel like Melisande in this opera by Debussy. I am unhappy but I am happy. And I embrace my jealousy like a crying child, because it belongs to me. It is how I love , a part of our love, a part of my passion for him. It is a wise reminder never to take love for granted. Because love ain't for keeping. So be happy and be sad and love...